Although the idea of a "cougar" who dates much younger men has a certain cultural cachet, being a woman in your twenties who simply chooses a partner who's a bit younger is often viewed as weird, desperate, or deluded — basically, anything besides what it is, which is totally normal.
People have a much easier time, it seems, getting on board with the idea of a woman taking a younger partner for purely sexual reasons than they do with the idea of a woman in a serious relationship with a younger partner.
I also had a lot of friends who couldn't believe how dumb I was — didn't I remember how difficult it was to get a guy to commit at age 24? Of course, I didn't "go through that again," and five years into our relationship, no one really gives a sh*t about how old either of us are.
But the experience has made me think about how women are discouraged from dating younger men — especially women in their twenties.
(Then again, a fear of losing sex is perfectly understandable without any larger symbolism.)As for the literal, as opposed to symbolic, concern of continuing to find younger partners, Cindy Gallop, my favorite lover of younger men, says you have nothing to worry about.
As Gallop says, "Don't think in terms of the conventional societal models.
Perhaps now you can really focus on things that matter to you at present: a sexual connection, intimacy, fun, companionship." He adds, "It sounds like you're living your sex life to the fullest, and I would encourage you to continue to enjoy." Although he points out that you should do so safely, as STI rates are skyrocketing among those 45 and up.
The "do your thang" cheering aside, it may be worth trying to better understand your interest in younger men, given the internal conflict it's produced. " (She explains this last question by noting that "mothers of young men under 20 or so might consider you exploitive.")Is your guilt a result of society's disapproval or something else?
"These are often women who put a lot of effort into feeling and looking good, and enjoy the sexual libido and attentiveness of younger men."And guess what, you're allowed to have fun.
"Now that you're divorced and have been around the block, you're not looking for the same things from a relationship that you were probably seeking when you wanted to get married and have a family.