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Dating again after death of a spouse

I do believe that many widows and widowers have a very strong belief that if they begin dating, it is a sign of disrespect to the one that they lost. Everyone that I have talked to believes that the loved one who has departed would want you to be happy.

Please reconsider this thought process because it is so wrong and so damaging to you on a personal and emotional level. It is not disloyal to seek the companionship of another person after your loved one has passed away, or you have lost someone to divorce. I believe that the loved one who has departed would not want you to be lonely and sad. You are single—morally, socially, and legally single.

in the Past We all tend to have "selective amnesia" when it comes to our previous relationships; remembering only the good in the people no longer in our lives and the wonderful memories that we will have always.

That's fine of course -- but don't use the previous person as a "yardstick" against which you are measuring prospective dates.

About five months after my wife passed away I made very specific decisions about why I was ready to start dating.

You Have Reclaimed You During what may very well be the worst or most challenging time in your life is recover from the divorce from or death of your spouse and you cannot accomplish that kind of recovery in hurry-up fashion.

Embrace the fact that you are not the same person that you were when you committed to the person no longer by your side and that you must take the time and patience with yourself to sufficiently recover from the trauma that you have endured.

For example, it is unfair to start sentences with, because absolutely nobody "always" did something right or "never" did anything wrong. Are you content with yourself on your own without being one-half of a couple or dependent upon children to fill up your time?

By all means, honor, keep and treasure the beautiful memories that you have; however, in order to both be fair to and enjoy someone new, you need to be able to put the Ghost of Relationship Past in its proper place. This means a life that is yours alone; a life that is individually gratifying in its own right. As a society, we are accustomed to either traveling in packs or with a spouse or significant other; however, you be content with your own company both within your four walls and in the outside world. I once dated a man who had not recovered from being broken up with in high school -- This gentleman made a conscious decision to be emotionally unavailable to anyone else because of one prior bad experience (in high school, no less).

76 comments

  1. Dating after the death of a spouse can be an awkward experience. I started dating again about a year after my husband died.

  2. When I first became a widow, I thought I'd never date again. My 10-year marriage to my late husband Justin wasn't perfect, and we didn't always see eye to eye,

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