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Jessicas guide to dating on the dark side book

The tree’s low, gnarled branches twisted down around him, nearly concealing him in limbs and leaves and shadows.

But it was obvious that he was tall and wearing a long, dark coat, almost like a cloak. Who stands under a tree at the crack of dawn, in the middle of nowhere, wearing a black cloak? And why did my dad have to be so big on mass transit, anyhow? The name I’d been given at birth, in Eastern Europe, before I’d been adopted and brought to America, rechristened Jessica Packwood.

It was a dreary early morning right after Labor Day, and I was waiting for the school bus, just minding my own business, standing at the end of the dirt lane that connected my family’s farmhouse to the main road into town. Dilly put the bus in gear, and I stumbled down the aisle, searching for an empty seat or a friendly face among the half-groggy riders. The town kids were probably still sleeping, safe and sound in their beds. "Jessica evolves nicely with each new shocking revelation, becoming, over the course of the novel, an intriguing and strong protagonist . The story is highly entertaining with plenty of action, drama, romance, as well as self-discovery." — School Library Journal "Fantaskey's novel is far more than a romantic fantasy .

I was thinking about how many times I’d probably waited for that bus over the course of a dozen years, killing time like any mathlete would, by doing calculations in my head, when I noticed him. Locating a spot at the very back of the bus, I plopped down with a rush of relief. Maybe my imagination had run wild, or too many episodes of America’s Most Wanted had messed with my head.

Now the book started off well enough, light-hearted and funny, and then it went downhill pretty fast when the tone became more serious.

When I’m abducted by the menacing guy under the tree, Dad will probably insist my face only appear on recycled milk cartons. He was standing under a massive beech tree across the road from me, his arms crossed over his chest. Or maybe I was hearing things, because the word was drowned out by the sound of tires hissing on wet pavement, grinding gears, and the whoosh of the doors as the driver, old Mr. Jessica's laidback parents serve as foils for imperious Lucius ("Can I ever again be happy in our soaring Gothic castle after walking the halls of Woodrow Wilson High School, a literal ode to linoleum?The tree’s low, gnarled branches twisted down around him, nearly concealing him in limbs and leaves and shadows. " he asks sarcastically); a scene at a steakhouse where the vegan Packwoods meet the carnivorous Vladescus is first-rate comedy.I was thinking about how many times I’d probably waited for that bus over the course of a dozen years, killing time like any mathlete would, by doing calculations in my head, when I noticed him. Locating a spot at the very back of the bus, I plopped down with a rush of relief. Maybe my imagination had run wild, or too many episodes of America’s Most Wanted had messed with my head. Down-to-earth mathlete Jessica Packwood is completely horrified when, a few months shy of her 18th birthday, a Romanian named Lucius Vladescu shows up on her doorstep, claiming that he and she are vampire royalty betrothed to each other since infancy-what's worse, her adoptive parents verify the betrothal story and explain that her birth parents identified themselves as vampires, too.And suddenly that familiar stretch of blacktop seemed awfully desolate. Fantaskey makes this premise work by playing up its absurdities without laughing at them, endowing Jessica with a coolly ironic sensibility and Lucius with old-world snobberies that Jessica's girlfriends find irresistible. Marrying a vampire definitely doesn’t fit into Jessica Packwood’s senior year “get-a-life” plan.But when a devious cheerleader sets her sights on Lucius, Jess finds herself fighting to win back her wayward prince, stop a global vampire war—and save Lucius’s soul from eternal destruction BETH FANTASKEY lives in Pennslyvania with her husband and two daughters. Armed with newfound confidence and a copy of Growing Up Undead: A Teen Vampire’s Guide to Dating, Health, and Emotions, Jessica makes a dramatic transition from average American teenager to glam European vampire princess. But then a bizarre (and incredibly hot) new exchange student named Lucius Vladescu shows up, claiming that Jessica is a Romanian vampire princess by birth—and he’s her long-lost fiancé.There was also a random scene in the book where the big, bad, scary vampires were sucking..that slurping and licking blood from raw steaks in a fancy restaurant... I think that scene was meant to disgust the reader, not break them out in peels of laughter, but it was just that dumb.Vampires satisfying their blood craving by sucking on steaks is not scary Ms. Oh, and the major villain of this book, one of the scary vampires who was lapping at those steaks?

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  1. The NOOK Book eBook of the Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side by Beth Fantaskey at Barnes & Noble. FREE Shipping on $25 or more!

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