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It implies that men need independence more than women and should not be required to meet the needs of their partners when they don’t feel like it.

In reality, both men and women value independence equally.

Independence is not just for men Attachment theory suggests that a good relationship is one in which partners are always comfortable turning to each other for support.

Specifically, she asked: Gray's rubber band theory suggests that men have an intimacy cycle that functions like a rubber band: guys pull away from their partners until they reach a point at which they spring back.

Gray claims that, “for most men, intimacy is like an all-you-can-eat buffet. They need time and space to feel hungry again.” He suggests that this is a “normal, healthy” relationship cycle for men, and that their female partners should give them space when their guy feels the need to pull away – he suggests women get a pedicure or do some gardening to pass the time (he’s right ladies, all we need is a pedicure to replace an absent lover).

According to Gray, women are allowed to contact their partners during this time, but he advises “speaking his language,” a strategy that involves appealing to his sense of being the expert by asking him for help or advice. Here are 3 reasons why you should be very wary of this advice: 1.

Resist the temptation to ask him what’s wrong or to step up your efforts in order to get a response from him. He’ll recognize that he’s with a woman who respects his needs while taking care of her own feelings.

And he’ll appreciate that you didn’t blame or criticize him.


  1. Jan 30, 2010 I have always appreciated this juxtaposition but never connected it to the Rubber Band Theory. one of the draw backs of dating in business school is.

  2. So I am going to do a short dating series. First Topic THE RUBBER BAND. Just approach the subject after the fact and say that you respect that he needs time.

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